10 January 2001
Ego

Look at this, I'm almost writing frequently enough to call this a diary! *grin*

I think I've finally caught the bug that's been circulating amongst all my friends and colleagues. No sniffles yet, but I'm feeling generally fuzzy. It's almost nice, being feverish with a rainstorm lashing the trees outside. Reminds me of the first grade, a good portion of which I spent in bed.

Been having some good email conversations with Jim Batcho (drummer on The Tower, among other things), who's seen a lot more of the music world than I have...there are a formidable number of things that need doing when one starts planning to play live. I never figured it would be quick or easy, and I've certainly been luckier than I might have hoped, having players of high caliber willing to put energy into a project of mine. It's a nice feeling, having talented people believe in me. But it's still pretty weird to be "in charge" of something like this, when everybody else has so much more of a clue than I do. Intimidating. I'll get over it soon enough, I'm sure. In the meantime, it's good to have ready sources of guidance...

I think part of the problem is that I've never felt comfortable marketing myself in any context. This website is here for information and amusement, and is likely to stay quite free of self-congratulatory hype; I'd prefer for the music always to speak for itself, and for people to take or leave as they please. But that noble formula doesn't work in most places once things move past the just-messing-around stage and into the stage of amassing a fan base. Once a career starts costing somebody (me) serious time and money, and various people (including me) have made an investment with the intention of getting something back, I can't stay passive. There's a shift from "if you have time, try listening to this and see what you think" to something more like "sit down and listen to this, it's cool!" If I had more of an ego it'd be easier. So far I've gotten away with letting other people rave in my stead, but I'm going to have to go knocking on doors myself pretty soon.

Wish me luck.

- VT